April 26th, 2010

savannah

Outtakes: Apostasy

I ran across some cringe-worthy scenes when I was editing Apostasy, but none more cringe-worthy than this one.

To set the scene: Our characters are hiding out in a beach house on the coast after an assassination attempt on all their lives. The Poetess and Carowyn have just been swimming, and have come back inside:

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“Enjoy your swim?” Charoleen asked, finally coming out of the room with the table and couches, where she had been crazily writing and planning.

“Yes, it was lovely. You should all take one,” I answered.

“Maybe later,” she said. “I’ve got too much to do.”

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WHY did I write that? WHAT purpose did it serve? Charoleen essentially comes out, asks a dumb question, says she has too much work to do, and returns to her room. *Facepalm*

What are some horrendous outtakes you've run across?